There are spoilers in here, you’ve been warned. I have not read a single review, these are my opinions after seeing the movie just now.

• Every underground chamber is well lit, even at night.
• A torch is always available, as well.
• Scary looking natives have nothing better to do than hide in chamber walls waiting for intruders.
• Unlimited numbers of bad guys can never shoot Indiana Jones, regardless of how many machine guns they wield.
• Every other scene must show IJ casting the classic hat shadow.
• He finds artifacts nobody else could find for hundreds of years just by blowing away some webs and pushing on some key rocks.
• The bad guys always have operatives in far away places, always able to locate him. (They are geniuses when it comes to following and tracking Dr. Jones, but apparently complete morons when it comes to shooting machine guns or finding the artifacts themselves.)
• Good guys can fall 50′ onto rocks and never break bones.
• When a waterfall is involved, add a few hundred feet. No problem.
• I did not detect the Wilhelm Scream in this movie. Amazing, considering how formulaic and predictable everything else was. Oops…according to Wikipedia, they DID use the Wilhelm Scream.
• Didn’t they have a car chase in one of the other movies?
• Space aliens? Are you kidding me?
• A monkey army?
• Gunpowder tossed in the air floating towards the box?

I give this movie 2 out of 10 stars. The first star is for the ants, which were cool. The second star is for my boys, who loved everything about this movie.

My new Scotts 20-inch Push Reel Mower arrived today, and I finished mowing the lawn about 30 minutes ago.

This mower has 271 reviews and received 4 out of 5 stars on Amazon.com. Let me make this very clear: I have never been more misled by Amazon.com reviewers. For example, check out this review:

At the same time, I didn’t want to turn lawn mowing into a huge, difficult task. After researching every model on the market, I decided I would give the Scotts 2000-20 reel mower a try. My idea of lawn mowing has completely changed. What used to be a tedious, annoying task is now pleasant and relaxing, due to the ease of use and functionality of this mower.

This is absolute horse shit. This mower is easily 100% harder to push than my Toro gas mower. It took me nearly twice as long to mow the lawn. Mowing the lawn was my most intense workout in years.

The same review goes on:

I will venture to say that it is actually JUST AS EASY TO USE A REEL MOWER AS IT IS TO USE A GAS-POWERED MODEL. There is NOTHING about a gas-powered mower than makes it easier to use, and gas-powered mowers do not save any time, espcially when you consider all the peripheral needs of owning one.

Liar, liar, pants on fire. Several things make a gas mower easier to use:

• The engine propels the mower forward
• The blade cuts through thick grass without bogging down
• They are faster
• Did I mention the engine does most of the work?

I Had Doubts…

I’ve been considering one of these mowers for at least three years now, and keep reading positive reviews like this. I waited so long to pull the trigger because I had this fear: Maybe these people are so gung-ho to save the environment, they are unable to provide unbiased, accurate reviews.

I now think I have my answer. Everything you recall about your grandfather’s old-fashioned reel mower remains true to this day. These mowers are hard to use. Damn hard.

Now What?

I paid $119 for this thing, and I still have my Toro. The truth is, I don’t know what I will do. I do plan to mow the lawn with this reel mower the next few times, simply because it provides a kick-ass workout. I need to lose weight, and what better way to get some much needed exercise?

If your lawn is small and flat, a reel mower is just fine. But my yard is 17,000 square feet, with a huge steep hill in the back. For a killer workout, this is good. But for mowing the lawn, it sucks.

The Future

I think battery-powered mowers are the future of lawn care, but current models poop out after 45 minutes to an hour. That is not quite good enough to handle my lawn. I suspect in just a few years, however, battery-powered mowers will finally become a practical alternative.

I really hate how much space my Toro consumes in the garage, and I do not like how loud it is. But until battery technology improves, gas powered mowers remain the best option for most people.

Wow, 8 reasons why this is the dumbest generation is way off target. Let’s review the list, put together by author Mark Bauerlein.

1. They make excellent “Jaywalking” targets.

The article starts with a weak argument that today’s young people “…are encased in more immediate realities that shut out conditions beyond — friends, work, clothes, cars, pop music, sitcoms, Facebook.”

Apparently “pop music” and “Facebook” are bad. But where is the evidence? Let’s continue.

2. They don’t read books — and don’t want to, either

Again, he presents no evidence. My gut tells me he is right: people read less today, particularly “young” people. But I’m also sure that has something to do with the availability of more information online. Why dig through books when I can look up something in a few seconds on Wikipedia? Does that make me “dumber”? Prove it. You may be right, but I think some evidence is in order.

3. They can’t spell

From TFA:

Lack of capitalization and IM codes dominate online writing. Without spellcheck, folks are toast.

Actually, my quote is the entire explanation put forth in the article.. Maybe people adopt shorthand writing styles because it is a PITA to text on most phones? I am detecting a distinct trend in these wacky reasons we are so “dumb”. This guy does not like technology.

4. They get ridiculed for original thought, good writing

He uses MySpace as the first example, where (apparently) buddies make fun of you if you write clearly. Huh? OK, I’m sure you can find lots of examples of this. But again, are these cherry-picked examples evidence of widespread dumbness?

He then goes on to criticize Wikipedia:

Wikipedia writing is clean and factual, but colorless and judgment-free.

That is because it is an encyclopedia. It is supposed to be judgment-free. They call it NPOV, which is actually quite smart.

5. Grand Theft Auto IV, etc.

Holy shit. Go read the article. I don’t even know where to start. He somehow connects video games to “Thousands of Massachusetts public school graduates are ending up in remedial reading and writing classes in college…”

What absolute rubbish. Maybe we ought to look at poverty, single parent households, and other such factors before pointing fingers at video games.

6. They don’t store the information

The fact that we can easily look up information on the Internet makes us dumber. I don’t get it.

7. Because their teachers don’t tell them so

Here we go again. Another “blame the teachers first” article. Sigh.

8. Because they’re young

No, no, no!. I think I first read this in a book called “The Invisible Future“, but I might be remembering that wrong. (thanks to reason 6?) The general idea is that EVERY generation since the dawn of time has always thought the young “next” generation is dumber, that society is decaying, etc. This must be wrong, of course, or by now we’d be in complete disarray.

Bad ass movie, I LOVED it. I will see it a second time this week. I give it 9 out of 10, losing 1 point for unrealistic physics. Most notably, repeatedly decelerating from full speed to dead stop without injury.